Accepting Reality

What happens when something occurs that we REALLY don't like? If we get sick, if someone we love gets sick, if someone we love leaves us? How do we cope? Some of us learned in childhood that if we don't like our reality, we can easily create a fantasy. As a child that's really not so bad. Children learn to explore their world through an active fantasy life. Their imaginations are full of possibilities about their future. But how about when we become adults. Does preferring fantasy over reality continue to serve us as we grow older and take on the responsibilities that come with age? Delusions may help us through the difficulties of childhood, but they rarely help us as adults. Unfortunately, sometimes the fantasies and delusions that we create as children get carried into our adult reality without us ever realizing. We begin to respond to these childhood fantasies as if they were reality. So, what's to do about it, after we recognize that this is what we are doing?

Well, it seems the problem stems from judging the reality as intolerable and not O.K. Even worse, we may deem reality as something we can not cope with. This, of course, makes fantasy seem preferable. The problem is, nothing gets solved in the fantasy world, cuz it's not reality. The trick is, to allow ourselves to see the reality as something we can cope with and get through. That doesn't mean we have to like it, it just means we have to accept it as our current reality. The saying "it is what it is" applies here. Something is really only good or bad, tolerable or intolerable, because we judge it as so. And even if something is unpleasant or upsetting, we are still capable of dealing with it and getting to the other side, if we tell ourselves that we can...and if we're lucky, there may even be the reward of learning and growth as we move through it.

Once we allow ourselves to take a genuine look at the reality of our situation, we can deal with it...especially if we tell ourselves that we can. We don't have to have the solution right that minute...we just need to remind ourselves that there is one.

So what's your take on reality?

Be happy and well,
Sari Roth-Roemer

Frustration

"Oh, No!" "This is not turning out at all the way I want it." "This is never gonna work." Blood pressure rises, breath shortens, feelings of fear, anger, sadness, hopelessness creep into our hearts and we are instantly sunk.

Few things block us more than our own frustrations and fears. At that initial moment of intense emotion, we are often fixed on the problem and not the solution. We are telling ourselves over and over what we don't want to happen, what we fear will happen. We are viewing negative and often frightening outcomes. All our energy is going towards what we don't want. How can that possibly be helpful?

So what's the solution? Simply to know that there is a solution, even if we don't know what it is yet. I'm not saying don't get frustrated. That would be impossible. Of course we will always have cause for frustration. What I'm talking about is what to do with it when it comes. I'm talking about not allowing ourselves to get stuck in it. Rather, acknowledge it, tolerate it, and let yourself feel it, but recognize that there is an answer to it. The real trick is temporarily allowing yourself to tolerate the unknown of what that solution will be, and to just know it's coming your way...

What do you think?

Be happy and well,
Sari Roth-Roemer

P.S. I have been hearing that people are trying to post comments, but for some reason I haven't been getting them. If you do not see your comment posted within 24hrs, please email me your comment at azmedpsych2@gmail.com or post it on my wall at www.facebook/DocRothRoemer.com. You can also subscribe to my blog and get notified of new blog posts if you enter your email at the "Follow By Email" box at top right of this page.

Check it out...

Catch me calling in to talk with my friend Jill on Paradigm Shift Wednesday, June 28th at 8pm PST at www.openmindradio.com or 106.7 FM in Scottsdale. We'll be talking about how to avoid stepping into victim mentality and what to do if you accidentally find yourself there. Hope you'll listen in!

want less, be accepting of more...a recipe for happiness?

What happens when we allow ourselves to accept what's on our plate? Instead of pushing it away, saying "I don't want to deal with this", saying "Oh well, I guess this is what I gotta do right now...I'll get through it and move on to the next thing." Allowing ourselves to accept and focus on the reality of the situation isn't always easy, but it is a step towards solving the problem and moving forward in our lives. When we try to focus instead on the fantasy of how we'd like things to be, rather than how they really are, we actually end up stopping ourselves by standing in our own way. The solution. Remind ourselves there's nothing we can't handle, if we tell ourselves we can. While our fantasies may be alluring, it's facing the realities along the path that will get us where we really want to go...

Be happy and well,

Sari Roth-Roemer

Find "Doc Roth-Roemer" on FaceBook

I needed to make a profile where I could actually interact with people, instead of just a passive page. All my info will still be on Dr. Sari on Intuitive Psychology, but if you want to be kept up-to-date with posts and emails via FaceBook, please feel free to "friend" me at Doc Roth-Roemer on FaceBook. Talk to you soon!

Be happy and well,

Sari Roth-Roemer

Live on Air...

When: Tonight, June 15th, 2011 from 8-10pm MST
Where: KWSS 106.7FM in Scottsdale or www.openmindradio.com

You've been wanting to listen in, but have been too busy... Here's your chance! Turn on your radio tonight to hear me guest on my friend Ondre's show. Always a fun time. Give us a call, if you have a question or feel like joining the conversation, as we discuss a combined energetic and psychological approach to healing.


Call in: (480) 951-7733 - Lines open from 8:15pm - 9:45pm

Be happy and well,
Sari

P.S. There's still time to register for our June 20th event from 6-8pm in Scottsdale...log in to www.shopondre.com to sign up now for an enjoyable and informative evening.

Stepping out of the box

What would you say if I told you that you could have pretty much anything you wanted to have in life? (I say “pretty much” because can no one can have absolutely everything.) You can you know. The secret is to allow it to take shape in the way it’s going to take shape. It just may not look how you thought it would look. What I mean is this. Most often, when we set our sights on what we want, we envision exactly how we want it to be. Now, that’s not a bad thing. It’s actually a really good start. Something to aim for. The problems arise when we hold steadfastly to that vision and don’t allow it to morph and take shape given the circumstances of our lives. Our new job MUST pay X amount of dollars, our new love interest MUST have X physical attributes, our new home MUST be a single family 3-bedroom house with a pool, our health problems MUST completely recover and go into remission. We tell ourselves that this is the way it must be and anything less won't do. In so doing, we put ourselves into a box of our own making, without even realizing it. The very vision, turns into our constraint if we aren’t careful.

What happens if instead, you allow yourself to set a goal and then make choices along the way based on what is presented to you. You get offered a decent new job that doesn’t pay as much as you would have liked, but will lead to new opportunities if you stick with it. You meet a man/woman who looks completely different than you had envisioned, but is considerate and kind to you, so you go on another date and find out more. You search for that 3 bedroom house with a pool and find you can’t afford it, so you allow yourself to consider a 3 bedroom condo with a nice community pool, just out of curiosity. You discover your back still hurts if you do certain things, so you allow yourself to do daily excises and experiment with finding things you can still do. Instead of rejecting these new options off-hand as not what you had originally wanted, be open to the possibilities of what may be available to you at this point in your life, without judgment. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again…it’s our judgments that get in our way…it’s our judgments and expectations that put us into our own boxes. Something is only "bad" or "not right", if we tell ourselves it is. By letting go of the judgments and allowing yourself to consider alternatives you open the side of the box and you are no longer constrained; you are free to have just about anything you want. You can enjoy your life, if only you allow yourself. We often resist this openness out of fear of loss of control, the truth is, once we are aware of the constraints and allow ourselves to consider new options, we often feel liberated. What we thought was control was constraint instead! So why not just let your thoughts be thoughts, and not your obstacles. Allow yourself to explore your options in life with curiosity and wonder.

So if you find yourself feeling trapped, constrained, stuck or frustrated, maybe ask yourself, “am I considering all the options?” Be thoughtful and aware. Allow yourself to be curious about how things might look if you allowed yourself to look at it another way. You're just considering the alternatives after all. Then, most importantly, listen to that inner voice of yours. It may just be trying to tell you what you need to hear...step out of the box...you can have most anything you want...it may just look a little different than you had originally thought...

Be happy and well,
Sari Roth-Roemer

It's Radio Time!

When: Wednesday, June 8 · 8:00pm - 10:00pm
Where: http://www.openmindradio.com or 106.7 FM, KWSS in Scottsdale

Join me and my friend Ondre for a night of lively discussion of modern psychology, intuition and healing energy. Call in for a chance to get a completely different perspective. Discover what you can do to heal yourself and find better understanding of a difficult situations. But more importantly, join us both for a fun filled no holds barred journey through the world of Psychology and Natural Medicine. Don’t miss this opportunity to call in and get a new perspective from two unique points of view.

Call in: (480) 951-7733 - Lines open from 8:15pm - 9:45pm

Face Book: Dr. Sari on Intuitive Psychology

Check my FaceBook page, Dr. Sari on Intuitive Psychology (www.facebook.com/intuitivepsychology), for info about upcoming groups, workshops and radio shows.

Growing through the storms of life...

We're human, we like to be happy. We are often frustrated when life becomes difficult...especially when the difficulties seem never-ending. We hang our heads in despair, we have temper tantrums and say it isn't fair, we sulk and feel badly for ourselves. Sometimes we even put the blame on others. None of that works very well, though, does it? What happens when we say "Bring it on. I can handle this. I don't like it, but I know it's just what I gotta do if I want to learn and grow. I'll get through it." Does that sound silly and preposterous? Is it humanly possible? Of course it is. It may not be easy, but it is in the realm of possibility...if you tell yourself it is. While we may not enjoy adversity, we can appreciate it for the gifts it will bring. Heck, we can even actively look for the gifts it will bring. Because, simply put, we don't get the gifts without the tough stuff. When we remind ourselves that in order to grow, adapt and move forward in our lives we must go through the difficulties of life, sometimes it helps make the burden just a little lighter and easier to bear. And we all know that when the load is heavy, any little bit of help can make a big bit of difference.

Here in Arizona, the rains of a storm always promise that the sweet smell of the desert will follow. So maybe next time you find yourself feeling lost in your own storm, remind yourself to look for the reward that is surely up ahead?


Be happy and well,
Sari Roth-Roemer