A new New Year's Resolution

Time for the yearly transition. One year comes to a close as we anticipate with hope the beginning of a new year. Many of us envision this new year as full of promise and good things. Others of us approach the new year with caution, concerned about the unknowns that are ahead of us. We begin to form our new year's resolutions, which is of course, part of the bargain. If we promise to make a change, then we will be rewarded with something positive in the new year. So many things to choose from. Exercise more regularly, get more sleep, eat healthier, spend more time with family, get organized, be more efficient in our work, take better care of ourselves, etc. So many of our resolutions recycled year after year, because we haven't yet been able to fully commit to them. But why? So many of us focused on what's left to accomplish, rather than on what we have achieved. What happens if we resolve this year to maintain a balance; focus on and give thanks for what we have in our lives as well as focus on what we would like to still achieve. Not letting one overshadow the other. What happens if we set goals that we believe we can truly accomplish rather than goals we think we should accomplish because it will be "good for us".

Perhaps we start by reflecting on our accomplishments and achievements - the things we are happy about and thankful for that have occurred during this past year. Being careful not to tarnish these accomplishments with associated, but distinct disappointments. When recalling positive events of the last year, allowing the accomplishments to stand alone and giving them their due. It is important to remind ourselves of our capabilities. It is important to give ourselves the gift of self-gratitude and kindness. It will form the foundation for the year to come.

Next, create a vision of yourself in the coming year. Take a few deep breaths to clear your mind and then close your eyes for a moment and allow yourself to envision the direction you would like to go in this year and the things that will happen if you make the changes and choices you would like to make. Allow yourself to experience this vision with your full awareness. Notice any emotion that comes up, or any thoughts or judgements. Make a note of them. Now take a moment to envision the direction and the things that will happen if you don't make the changes and choices that you hope to make, if you continue to make the same or similar choices you are making now. Same as before, allow yourself to fully experience this vision with the accompanying thoughts and emotions. And next, with both of these visions still in mind, ask yourself which direction you would truly like to go in. Listen closely for the answer from inside you. You may be surprised at what you hear. Ask for guidance from something beyond you, a higher power. Know that this is what will support you as you move towards your goal. Decide what realistic baby steps you will take to get to where you have decided to go and allow for the fact that when you get there, to your desired goal, it may not look exactly the way you thought it might look. You may have to adjust or change course along the way. Just recognize that the forward movement is part of the whole goal. If you feel like it, jot dot a few of your thoughts from this exercise so you can reground yourself in it from time to time throughout the year, and re-evaluate it as needed.

Recognize that you have a choice. It can be a passive choice or an active choice, but either way the choice is yours. How empowering. You can choose your direction for the new year, without the blocks of judgment or self-doubt, but instead with faith in yourself and self-appreciation for your past accomplishments. You can move forward into the new year full of promise, because you have consciously made a choice to pick what you truly want and believe you can realistically achieve in the next year, and because you know you have support from something greater than you. You can create balance for yourself by remembering to look at the accomplishments, and not just the mistakes, the disappointments, and what remains to be done. Because, don't forget my friends, the "mistakes" we make along the way to our goals (because we all make missteps) are where the lessons we need to learn will come from...we can't get there without them. They will shape the path we travel along, just as our hope and vision will.

So, what do you think? Will you give it a try?

Be happy and well in the new year to come,
Sari Roth-Roemer

Merry Christmas

Watching the light of the holiday in my friends smiling faces and hearts really made my spirits soar this weekend. Hoping all of you were enveloped in the Christmas spirit, as well. Maybe take some time to reflect on the beauty of the season as we all move forward together into the coming year? It's the perfect time to listen closely to that inner voice of yours and decide what choices you'd like to make next. Happiest of Holidays to you!

Be happy and well,
Sari Roth-Roemer

From darkness to light: Coping through loss and sorrow

The black fog descends. It can be pretty overwhelming when it happens. So much so that it is easy to go into autopilot and be lured into simply laying back into the darkness, letting it take over almost completely. Easy to shut out family and friends and all those who care about us. Listening instead only to the stereophonic sadness that surrounds us. Eyes glazed over by the darkness, coloring our perspective in grey hues. Obscuring everything we see and mutating it into just another reason to be sad. Stopping our forward movement and miring us in a quicksand of despair. OK, seriously, how yucky is that? Be honest though. Suffer a loss or two and it's all too easy to find yourself in this place. Looking only through the glasses of loss and sorrow. Questioning yourself and your worth. Interesting how the darkness can be so alluring yet so devastating...

...but then there was light. It's there you know. If you dare to peek over the top the dark glasses of gloom and sadness, you can see it up ahead. A radiant glow that reminds you there is still light and goodness out there, even when you feel the most surrounded. And if you really pay close attention, you can notice that the light emanates from within you. It's that inner light that connects you to the light in the world around you; reminding you that you are never really alone. But you have to be aware of it to recognize what it is; you have to rely on the memory of having felt it before. And when you're really, really sad it's hard to be aware of much. But, I promise, it's there if only you will look for it and remember that you have felt it before (which means you're capable of feeling it again). And when you open up to the light that is inside you, even if it's just a tiny speck to begin with, it will overwhelm the darkness. Think about it. Bring a box of darkness into a light room and open it up. What happens? The light consumes the darkness. It has no effect. But bring a small light into a dark room and what happens? The room lightens up. The light is a reminder that you are capable, you are gifted, and you are loved. It is the response to the darkness that we all have inside us. It is the trump card to sadness. Yes, of course, light and dark live within us simultaneously. We humans are designed that way. But even though our initial reactions may be involuntary, ultimately we have a choice about where we spend our time. So which will you choose, the powerful gift of the light or the devastating allure of the dark? Either way, the choice is always yours...

Be happy and well,
Sari Roth-Roemer

Is stress really stress?

Think about it. What stresses you out the most? Family? Finances? Health? Traffic? Work? Getting your holiday shopping done? But are these things really stressing you out? Most of us would think “yes, of course, these things are stressing me out.” In a way you’re right, but in another way, you could be missing the boat. While these situations and circumstances may be a catalyst for a stress response, these things are probably not in and of themselves the cause of your stress. Rather, it is typically our perception and response to these stressors that cause us to experience stress. Yes. I’m saying that we stress ourselves out! Here’s the good news. If we can stress ourselves out, then we can certainly have some control over managing our stress. Which means, my friends, we can have more control over our stress than we realize.

Of course, as for most things, it all begins with awareness. When we are aware of what is pushing our buttons, we’re better able to maintain control over our buttons. So maybe you want to ask yourself, "What is stressing me out the most right now?" Then perhaps ask yourself "why?" Why is your family member, friend, finances, health, traffic, work, etc. causing you to feel stressed? Most likely these circumstances are causing you to talk to yourself in a stress promoting way. “I’m scared something really bad is happening or will happen if things continue in this way and I feel out of control to do anything about it” is often at the crux of most of our stress responses. What happens if you closely examine what you’re saying to yourself and then decide to say something different, something more helpful? Perhaps what you could say to yourself now could be, “Is this something that is really worth getting upset about?” If the answer is “no” you can smile, breathe, decide to let go of your upset and focus on something else. But if the answer is “yes” then perhaps you could again smile, breathe, and add “this is really upsetting me, but I know with time I can figure out what do about it.” Our human stress response harkens back to our stone age days when it was there to help us fight or flee from the tiger. Now it brings us anxiety, fear and feeling out of control, which ultimately, and over an extended period of time, can have negative effects on our health and well-being. Here’s the secret. . .if we tell ourselves we can handle the stressful circumstance than we increase the likihood that we can. Perhaps even more importantly, if we tell ourselves we can handle the circumstances, our stress reduces significantly. So remember, how you look at things makes a difference. Us humans will always respond to an upsetting circumstance with a stress response. Your boss yells at you, your partner says something mean to you, your bank account is overdrawn. These aren’t things that are going to make you happy. However, awareness of your perspective on something that is stressing you out, gives you control over whether or not you stay stressed out. 'Tis the season to be stressed out . . . but hopefully you can keep hold of the jolly instead. . .

So maybe smile, take a breath and think about it?

Be happy and well,
Sari Roth-Roemer

On the radio again tonight!

I'm a guest on my friend Ondre's radio show again tonight (Thursday, December 2nd). Tune into wwww.openmindradio.com from 10-midnight mst. If you're in Arizona, you can listen in at KSWW 106.7. We'll be talking about how to protect yourself against becoming a victim. We'd love to hear from you. Call in number is 480-951-7733.

Giving Thanks...and perhaps Forgiveness

Every year around this time we Americans give thanks for the blessings in our lives. In particular, we give thanks for the people around us who we love and who make our lives brighter. We gather together with friends and family and we share food and laughter and love and, yes, thanks. But sometimes, in the midst of all of this, we reflect on the losses and the upset for those who are not in our lives anymore because of disagreement or wrongdoing. And it occurs to me that the other side of thanks is forgiveness. And maybe, while we are giving thanks for all that we have been given, are we also able to find room in our hearts to forgive those who have hurt us, or conversely, are we able to ask for forgiveness from those we have inadvertently hurt?

This issue of forgiveness is a difficult one to get our minds around at times. Why would we want to forgive someone we feel has hurt us? We are angry, we are wounded, we have been wronged. But the truth is, while we might have a right to be angry, do we deserve the burden of carrying around our anger and our upset? Or do we deserve to let it go and to move forward with our lives? Sometimes we need to forgive not for the other person's sake, but for our own sake. In forgiveness we find our ability let go of the constraints of anger and free ourselves of past upsets. Not always easy, but most often very rewarding. Sometimes the way into forgiveness is to ask yourself "do I want to feel this way anymore?" If the answer is "no" then remind yourself that it is your choice. If you truly want to let it go than you can allow yourself to do so. For some this may bring healing to a relationship. But, this does not always mean you have to physically go to the person who you feel has wronged you and tell them you have forgiven them, they don't need to become your best friend again, you don't even need to talk with them any more, it simply means that in your heart you can tell yourself "I'm letting it go. I'm leaving the past behind and I am moving forward in my life without continuing to take this burden with me." The freedom that follows is remarkable.

And how about asking for forgiveness from those we have hurt inadvertently? What better time of year than now to reflect on our own behavior? To take a close look at those situations that we feel badly about. To take the time to think about how we can honestly and humbly take responsibility for our own mistakes. While we are not in control of being granted the forgiveness that we request, a sincere humble apology for having hurt another is a genuine gesture that we can take responsibility for. It doesn't mean we have to accept blame for the situation necessarily, just the upset that we may have had at least a partial role in. "I'm so sorry your feelings were hurt, it was never my intent" goes a long way to heal wounds. And just as granting forgiveness is not always easy, neither is admitting to our part in a wrong doing. The growth and the lessons learned from this gesture often offers a great reward and lets others know we care about them and their feelings.

What a wonderful way to enter the new year! Reflecting on the past year, listening to your intuitive inner voice and then giving thanks for the blessings and forgiveness for the adversities. What better path to take towards the harmony we all desire in our heart of hearts during these difficult times?

So what do you think? Is it time to forgive and let go?

Be happy and well,
Sari Roth-Roemer

Coming to acceptance

"Life is difficult." The first sentence from A Road Less Traveled, the classic book that helped a generation take an inward look. And so here we are again. In a really hard spot. All of us together, and yet each of us alone. But when you remember that this is exactly where we're supposed to be, it makes it a little bit easier doesn't it? To recognize and accept that life is difficult, is in essence to make enduring it easier. This is really big stuff actually. I mean, if it is just a given that life is hard, than it's OK if it's not easy all of the time, it's really not meant to be. When it is easy we can enjoy it and take great pleasure in it, and when it is hard we can allow it to be just what it is...a challenge. Without judging it as bad, just accepting it for what it is. That's the thing we forget, how to let go of judgment. It's in the judgements that we sabotage ourselves. Of course this is something that we all know, so why do we continue to do it? Maybe because we think we can change the outcome? I watched the movie "Love Story" I don't know how many times as a child; each time I kept wanting and thinking that it would end happily. It never did. Yet my judgments about death and loss were so strong and so negative, that it urged me forward into silly delusion. Of course I knew the ending wouldn't actually be different, but oh how I hoped. How many times are we guilty of doing that in our day to day lives? "If only things were different than I would be happy?" Judging the present at those times as hard and horrible and something that we just don't want. Rather than challenging ourselves to take a look at the other possibilities. Allowing ourselves to feel the weight of the effort, but pleased by the possible opportunity to learn and gain from the difficulty. Because, my friends, the good news is that out of struggle comes growth and learning. No other way to get those gifts. Really.

So how do you let go of judgement? How do you come to accept something that you have deemed terrible, bad, unjust or intolerable? Do you put on a pair of rose colored glasses and make believe that everything is rosy? No, that would be delusion as well. The trick is to distance yourself from the emotion of it. Give yourself some breathing room from that which you are determining is upsetting to you. Ask yourself for a moment to step back, take a breath and observe it as if it is happening to someone else, perhaps a stranger. Observe the situation from afar. Ask yourself to look at the situation from a different perspective. Generate an alternate hypothesis. How else could you look at the situation. What could you say that might help you get through? Maybe something as simple as "I can do this." or "This is hard, but I can get through it." Reminding yourself that this is just life. It gives us the hard stuff to manage on a routine basis and from time to time it may give us a brief break where things are a little easier. Now this doesn't mean we are to go through life depressed. When you let go of judgment you allow the emotions to come and go. Sadness and happiness are all part of the normal ups and downs of life that follow the fluctuating pattern of easy and hard. Just as hard will come, it will also go. The cycle will continue.

So give yourself a break. Accept what is on your plate right now. The only other choice is really only struggle against yourself. Who in their right mind would want to do that? Life is already hard, do you really want to make it harder? Awareness of the normalcy of the struggle, allows for the acceptance and appreciation of where we are at in the moment. What do you think?

Be happy and well,
Sari Roth-Roemer

It's all in your perspective

What glasses are you wearing these days? What I mean to say is, are you aware of the filters that are guiding your opinions and viewpoints? Gender, religious, political leanings are just a few of the biggies that can impact the way we view the world, but so are the less obvious, but greatly influential, inner beliefs that we develop over a life time. "I must be perfect at everything I do." "I must put others needs before mine." "My illness makes me weak." "I must do everything on my own." "I'm not capable of succeeding without someone else's assistance." "If things aren't difficult, I'm not doing it right." Do any of these sound familiar? They come from deep inside of us; they are the judgments that we make about ourselves that we may not even be fully aware of. Yet, they directly impact the way we interpret the world around us. So much so, in fact, that they can even keep us from moving forward in our lives. The problem is, many times we are unaware of these inner filters that color our viewpoint of the world. Often we take what we see as the "The Truth". But is it really truth? Or is what we are seeing simply our own interpretation; something that can change depending on the glasses we view the world through? Which means that when we encounter a difficult situation we can remind ourselves that we have choice about how we are looking at the situation, no matter how difficult. So if how we are looking at the current situation is making us feel badly, maybe we can "switch" the glasses we are wearing and look at the situation from another perspective. How freeing is that? If we don't like what we see, we can choose to look at it another way. What do you think about that?

Let me give you an example. I have this fabulous woman as patient who had the misfortune of getting a chronic degenerative illness that took her from her high powered job as a chief financial officer (CFO) of a large company. (By the way, I asked her if I could share her story anonymously and she said yes.) As you can imagine this was quite distressing to her on many different levels. But this woman, she has an amazing spirit of survival. When we talked about taking a new perspective, looking at the gifts and lessons that could be gained out of this seemingly tragic situation, she went looking. Several months later she came back to me with a smile on her face and told me that she is now the CMO, "Chief Mommy Officer", and that she is extremely happy with this role, as is her family. In addition, she told me with an even bigger smile, that her aging parents had moved into her home to help her and for her to help them. Generations supporting one another during times of difficulty. Through this situation of terrific illness, loss, and transition, a whole new way of life had emerged. But it didn't just emerge magically. It emerged with intent to make a valuable change and with an awareness that she had a choice to make. To be certain, she had to first go through grief over the tremendous loss she experienced, but in this process she was able to examine the filter through which she had looked at the world. With this new awareness she was now free to choose her perspective. Life had handed her a difficulty, but she chose her response.

You have that freedom too, you know. Here's the litmus test. If you are feeling unhappy or constrained in your life ask yourself, what is it that I am saying to myself right now about my current situation. Then ask yourself what might be a more helpful thing to say. The answer might be obvious or it might not. The most important thing is allowing yourself to recognize that you could look at the situation differently if you chose. And if you choose, you free yourself to enjoy or at least learn from your experience, no matter how difficult it is. You step out of the victim's seat and into the drivers seat...right back into controlling your own destiny. I'm not talking about being a PollyAnna and pretending things are wonderful when they are not. We need to be honest with ourselves. But we need to remember that good and bad exist simultaneously. So that when something difficult occurs, we can choose to what aspect we want to focus on.

Sometimes we forget that how we look at things makes all the difference. We get stuck in habitual patterns of thinking. What's that they say? Habits are meant to be broken? So take a look. What perspective do you want to take?

Be happy and well,
Sari Roth-Roemer

Curious about intuition?

Tomorrow night I will be a special guest on the Talk with Ondre Show where we will be exploring the role intuition plays in our everyday lives. Are you listening to your intuition? Do you know if it is working? How do you separate intuition from imagination? Stay up late and join us live this Thursday, November 4th from 10pm-12am MST at www.openmindradio.com and find out what intuition has to do with keeping a healthy mind, body, and spirit. Call in number is (480) 951-7733. I look forward to hearing from you!

Be happy and well,
Sari Roth-Roemer

Coping through the tough stuff

Sometimes life just hands us a big plate of yuck. Even those of us with Pollyanna tendencies have to admit that sometimes life is hard. The problem is, as much as we know this to be true, in our heart of hearts most of us wish it wasn't. We wish life could be easy, at least most of the time. So when the tough stuff comes, as it always does, often we worry, we fear the worst, we feel we have no control, we project ourselves into negative future outcomes. And we forget. We forget to have faith in ourselves. We forget that there is more than one way to look at a situation. We forget that there are valuable lessons to be learned from the obstacles that sometimes block our path. Why? It's habit of course. We worry to try to feel in control again, but ironically, this worry pulls us right out of control by placing us in a future that has not yet occurred and that we have no control over.

So what can we do about it? Be aware. Pay attention. Be mindful of our thoughts and our behavior. And in this act of present focus we can begin to see that we have a choice. Our fate is not predetermined. We have control over our thoughts and behavior in the now. And it is what we do now that will propel us to the future we desire. And in this simple act of anchoring ourselves to the present moment we regain our power and our ability to direct our course. We can be aware of the choices that are available to us and we can choose wisely, not reflexively. And no matter how rough it gets, when we remind ourselves that we will get through, that we are capable, that there are blessings around us and valuable lessons to be learned, we open a doorway for forward movement and problem solving. Whereas when we focus on our fears and tell ourselves we can't possibly get through it, we slam that same door shut. So what's the trick? Believe in yourself and your ability to cope. Know that you are supported by your faith in the universe and higher power that exists beyond you. You are not alone. And in that knowing you will feel the support that is there for you, even in your darkest of times. Listen to that inner voice inside you. It may take some time. But if you are patient, and tell yourself the answer will come, just as it always does, it will. It's worth giving it a try anyhow isn't it?

Be happy and well,
Sari Roth-Roemer

Getting the most out of your communication

On Wednesday I had the opportunity to speak to a wonderful group of people at HealthSouth Scottsdale Rehab Hospital about the importance of communication in reducing stress and improving overall wellbeing. We talked and laughed about the most important aspects of communication and how to get the most out of it.

1. Speaking from a place of calm - learning to breathe and setting your intention for the conversation can make all the difference. If you aren't aware of what your goal is, how can you achieve it? If your upset and angry, how will you be listened to and how will you ever get your point across?
2. Be Genuine - people can always tell when you're being dismissive or dishonest...so make sure to always speak the truth, no matter how difficult. Honesty carries power with it.
3. Avoid Pointing the Finger- take responsibility for what is yours. When you blame people get defensive and stop listening and communication breaks down.
4. Avoid Getting Defensive - it's not helpful to take things personally. Remember what happens when you get defensive? You don't want that to happen do you?
5. Be aware of underlying feelings - sometimes we're not talking about what we think we're talking about. Speak to the emotion and not the content when you're talking about the tough stuff or going through a tough time. "I'm sorry your upset." Acknowledging another's feelings is hugely supportive.
6. Remember, it's all in your interpretation -Avoid making your truth sound like THE truth, cuz it's just your opinion. Everyone has a right to their own opinion. You have a choice in how you look at things...really, you do!
7. Clarify - if you don't understand, ask and repeat back the gist of what you heard. If you think they don't understand, ask them to restate what they heard.
8. Keep a Sense of Humor - Be careful not to take yourself too seriously. Laughter can ease tension and help you gain a new perspective. Plus, it just feels so good to laugh!
9. Really Listen - Repeat back what is said to you and let them know you're listening. "That makes sense." Avoid giving advice unless asked.
10. Agree to Disagree - sometimes no matter what you say, a person is not going to change their opinions. You may need to decide that escalating the conflict is just not worth it. "I love you too much to argue" can work like a charm and puts the emphasis on the importance of your relationship and not the topic of the conversation.
10.5. Agree to not Disagree - Sometimes being right can come at the cost of being lonely. There are times where deciding you want to find something to agree on is the best option. "You may be right" gets you out of the power struggle and back to your relationship.

Well, what do you think? Have any gems of your own that you'd like to share? I'd really love to hear them.

Be happy and well,
Sari Roth-Roemer, Ph.D.

Laughing through life

The other night a good friend of mine, Ondre, told me on his radio show that he'd never met anyone who laughed as much as me. I must say, I have been accused of this many times before. In fact, sometimes the people at work wonder what I am doing in my office with patients as the peels of laughter can be heard all the way down the hall. When they ask, I just respond by saying, "Don't I have the best job in the world? I get to laugh everyday!" You might think that being a psychologist and listening to people's difficulties is serious business, but sometimes a good laugh can be just what the doctor ordered.

So, I am aware that I laugh a lot and that I enjoy sharing laughter with others. But, I have to admit I was a little stumped when Ondre asked me an interesting question to follow his initial observation, "Why are you able to laugh so often?" The question caught me by surprise. As I said, I know I laugh a lot, but I never really thought about why. I told him, it was because I tend not to take things too seriously and that I am able to find amusement in most situations.

The question stuck with me though, and the next day I decided to ask an expert...my friend Glen, who laughs even more than I do! He reminded me of something that I had forgotten, but that is very true. We laugh, because we choose to look at the lighter side of things. It's not that we don't have troubles or difficulties in our lives - we do, just like everyone else does - but we choose to focus on that which makes us smile or laugh. I learned early in life, not to take so many things to heart. In fact, it was through facing the difficulties, like being teased and bullied, that I learned to take things less personally and smile through it. It just felt so much better and made it easier to take. We forget this sometimes though, as we get older. It's can be so easy to get caught up in the seriousness of life, or to take everything personally. But if you try, it's really not that hard to get caught up in the silliness of it too!

It just feels so good to laugh, doesn't it? It's contagious, as well. My grandmother used to be a little on the cranky side. She actually used to make me cry. Then one day when I was in my late 20's I decided to use a different approach when she would say something cranky and negative. I would say, "Oh Grandma, you're so funny!" as if she was making a joke. In my mind I was thinking "she couldn't possibly mean this, she must just being feeling badly." And you know what? It worked. Soon we were laughing together all the time. Previously I had chosen to cry, but I gotta tell ya, once I made the choice to laugh instead it was so much better for the both of us!

Are you willing to try an experiment. Next time you face a difficult situation, or someone says something to hurt your feelings, could you challenge yourself to try to look at the situation from another perspective. You could try what I did with Grandma or perhaps you could even tease yourself a little. I myself am fond of referring to myself as a "dork" (my son likes to call me "Dorkzilla"). Is it that I really think I'm a dork? Well, maybe a little, but really I call myself a dork so that I remind myself not to take myself so seriously. I face so much seriousness everyday, that if I don't force myself to lighten up, it will weigh me down and overwhelm me. If that happens how can I continue to help others? So I laugh, I tease, I joke, I cajole. I try to do it lovingly and with kindness, but I try to teach those I work with to laugh at themselves too.

The trick is, the laugh has to be genuine. I personally dislike those classes where they ask you to think of something funny from the past to force a laugh in the present. The only way I am able to laugh in those classes is to focus on the ridiculousness of the situation at hand - then I'm laughing with the rest of them! However, you choose to do it is fine. What we choose to laugh at is very personal. All I'm suggesting is that you choose to laugh. A giggle a day might just keep the doctor away...so, try it...and let me know what you think!


Be happy and well,
Sari Roth-Roemer, aka, Dorkzilla

P.S. If you get the chance, check out my friend Ondre's radio show on Thursday nights from 9-11pm PST at wwww.openmindradio.com. Occasionally, he has me as a guest or asks me to call in. He shares his wonderful insights on healing and offers healing and good advice to anyone who calls in live. Plus, sometimes he makes you laugh!

Wanna learn a little more about how to get your point across effectively?

Please come join me for my free lecture on Getting the Most Out of Your Communication

Wednesday, October 27th from 11am - noon
HealthSouth Scottsdale Rehab Hospital
9630 E. Shea Blvd.
Scottsdale, Arizona

Call Melinda at 480-551-5423 to RSVP so we can make sure there's plenty of lemonade and fresh baked cookies for all!

This final lecture in a series of three will be about getting the most out of your communication. A tough thing for all of us at times. This series on Stress Management is for anyone who would like to learn simple strategies to help improve their health and well being in today’s increasing stressful world. It would be great if you could join us or pass the word along to someone who you think might like to come. We've really been having a good time with it so far! Hope to see you there!

It all starts with you

These words are not mine, they are the words of a very wise man named Rav Kook. They were handed to me today by another very wise man. I wanted to share them with you, as they are quite powerful and perspective making. Forgive the chauvenistic language. I decided to just leave it as is, hoping all will know that this applies to all of us.

"Each individual must find himself within himself, then must also find himself in the world about himself; his society, his community, his nation. The community must find itself within itself; then it must find itself in the world.

Humanity must first find itself within itself; then it must find itself in the world.

The world must find itself within itself; then it must find itself within the universe that surrounds it.

The surrounding universe in its generality must first find itself within itself; then it must find itself in the highest category of universality.

Universality must first find itself within itself; then it must find itself in the fullness that fills, in the highest light, in the hub of light, in the divine light."

In this way, we are all connected. It is all ours to share. What a responsibility we have to one another. What a relief to know we are always supported. What we do, what we say, how we behave will affect us all. It will ripple from small to magnificent. So, be mindful of the choices that you make...your sadness, your happiness, your anger, your joy, will all be shared far beyond yourself. You can make a difference to yourself, to your community, to your nation, to your world, to your universe, to the divine. How daunting, yet ultimately how wonderful. It all starts with you.

Be happy and well,

Sari

The blame game

Be honest. We've all played it. Blaming somebody else for our unhappiness or our upset. Feeling wronged by another and righteous in our indignation. "You make me so mad!" "It's not my fault" "If only you would have..." But what happens when we do this? When we put the fault into someone else's hands? Well, first of all, it makes us feel like crap. We may think we deserve our upset. Well, we may have a good reason to be upset, but one could argue that we actually do not deserve to be upset. We really deserve to be free of the upset and to let it go so we can move on. While it might be easier said then done, in truth, all it takes is awareness. Once we become aware of what we are doing - letting someone else have control over our feelings - we can take steps to get back in control of our emotions. Sometimes it's as simple as asking ourselves "Do I really want to be this upset right now? What can I do to feel better?"

The second, and possibly more important thing to consider is, what happens to our personal power when we blame someoneone else for the problems we are having and the way we are feeling? Essentially, we are handing our power right over to the other person. If we aren't taking responsibility for being upset, then how can we ever hope to fix it? If we are blaming others, waiting for others to do for us, or asking someone else to make us happy, then we are playing the role of victim. Luckily, once we realize that we are in charge of the way we feel, we can make the choice to feel better. We step out of the victim role and take back our power. At this point we become free to choose whatever good things we want in our lives. This may be as simple as refocusing on our favorite song playing on the radio, or as large as telling ourselves we can accomplish our dreams and goals if we just keep moving forward one small step at a time.

My son and I were at a wonderful event today. We went to hear his favorite author speak, Rick Riordon. As soon as we heard about it, we looked up information and called the bookstore in hopes we could secure a ticket. The paper didn't say you had to get a ticket, but it did say you could call. Riordon is one of the most popular children's authors right now, so we crossed our fingers that we could get a ticket and were so happy when we found out we could. We got to the event a little early so we could get a good seat. It was all very exciting. A little while later I left the building to get something and found myself back in line, a few minutes before the author was about to come on stage. There was a man in front of me, who when he heard the event was sold out, exclaimed "This is ridiculous!" He was red in the face and very angry. His young son said to him "This isn't fair!" I was at first a little surprised. Why would anyone show up 15 minutes before a major author was supposed to speak and expect that there would be tickets left for them? But then, I was just sad for them. Not only were they going to miss out on seeing someone they admired, but they were going to leave feeling victimized. What lesson would it have been for his child to hear his father say "Oh well, we tried and it didn't work out. I'm sorry. Next time we'll remember to plan ahead." They would have left disappointed, but known they would have a plan to prevent this from happening again. Instead, his child left feeling sad and at the mercy of an unfair world.

Victims don't get far, but they sure go a long way with their sadness and anger. Next time you're feeling someone or something is to blame for your upset, maybe ask yourself, "what is my role in this?" Once you've figured that out you can take the steps you need to feel better. It's a simple truth, happy people are not victims. Happy people make a choice to be happy and content with what they have, even in the midst of adversity. Victims, on the other hand, do not choose; they give up their power and put themselves at the mercy of others. Sometimes the choice really is as simple as that, "Do I want to be happy or sad right now?" Which would you rather be? Of course, we all know the answer to that question, don't we? They key is remembering we have the choice.


Addendum:
I just read this post to my son and asked him what he thought. He said,"It's totally true, Mom." Then, with his astonishing 12-year-old insight, he told me about how upset he'd been at the end of the lecture that I didn't get a good photo of him with Riordon at the book signing. I remembered it clearly. He was so mad at me. He'd told me that I had ruined everything! Then he realized that he'd actually had a great day up to that point and that, while he was disappointed, he was going to let it go so he could remember what a great day he had and what a great evening he was looking forward to. I smiled and said "yup, that's what I'm talking about..." That's my boy! (Of course, I wish I'd taped the conversation for future evidence, as the teenage years are approaching!)


The blame game? Clearly not a game worth playing. But then again, the choice is yours...


Be happy and well,
Sari Roth-Roemer

We're really all in it together

Today we walked for breast cancer. Well, not exactly for breast cancer, more like, against breast cancer. At 6:30am we got on a school bus with my son's bar mitzvah buddies and our temple friends and headed downtown to march for a cure. Free gifts and food aside, what we saw was amazing. Thirty-one-thousand people gathered together for a single cause. Everyone there touched in one way or another by this terrible, but overly popular disease that does not discriminate. Everyone had a story to share. A family member, a friend, a colleague, or even themselves...some were lost, some were triumphant, but all in some way had faced this terrible disease that affects far too many of us. I must confess, initially when we were smooshed together at 7:30am all in a crowd to get our "free stuff", it was a little stressful and overwhelming. It was literally every person for themselves. But then at 8:30am it all changed. We all came together on the street, lined up behind the big pink balloon arch and we walked. This was not at all stressful, in fact, it was really great. Strangers sharing a purpose, which in essence joined us all. We connected with friends, we made new friends, we spoke with strangers. We smiled and laughed and when we saw a pink shirt or a pink sign with the name of someone with breast cancer, we thought of why we were walking and who we were walking for. Good energy spread among the thousands.

So I wondered. What made the difference? Why at 7:30am did I feel like hyperventilating, while at 8:30am, in the midst of the exact same crowd of people, I was happy and content? It dawned on me that at 7:30am the goal was egocentric, to see what goodies we could get for ourselves. We walked in front of others, we walked against the flow at times, we focused on the booth up ahead and what fun toy or snack it might bring us. I'm really not judging getting free gifts as bad, there's nothing wrong with a little consumerism and reward, but the emotional charge was definitely different. While at 8:30am when we were all gathered behind the starting line, we extended beyond ourselves and focused on a shared goal. When we were no longer caught in our personal desires, the feelings of happiness and good will seemed to grow exponentially. We walked with each other in the same direction, with one goal in mind, to let it be known that we wanted to eradicate breast cancer and it's suffering.

I think we forget this sometimes in the drive to fulfill our personal desires. When we focus on something greater than ourselves and join with others in doing so, we are ultimately much happier and likely much more successful in our endeavors. Our energy expands beyond ourselves and we connect with the energy of others. No wonder we feel happy and invigorated. In the process of letting go of our personal desires and joining with others we've gained so much more! I always tell my patients that we are by nature social creatures. So when we are feeling down, or low or in a funk of some sort, if we can just remind ourselves to get out of our own way. To let go of clinging to our personal desires and instead to connect with another or many others in a meaningful way to find your path out of the energetic void into a happier place. Go to a place of worship, invite people you love over to dinner, take a walk with a friend, or take a walk with thousands of friends, and it might just put a smile on your face, their faces, and who knows what else might be accomplished? (We might even find a cure for cancer!)

What do you think? ☺☺

Be happy and well,
Sari Roth-Roemer

No time like the present?

I have this great widget on my igoogle home page called self-mediations by thingstobehappyabout.com. I love it. Always some really cool wise words to make me smile and think about my choices. The other day they had a great quote: "being present in the here and now is a conscious choice towards happiness" I posted the quote to my FaceBook profile and added "I definitely wanna be happy...so why is it so darn hard to stay in the present?" One of my friends, KJ, noted the seductive nature of the past and the future. But I wondered why we are so enthralled by things we have no control over, like the past and the future? Why do we favor them over the things we actually have control over, like the present? Is it that we want to be omnipotent and control the things that are uncontrollable? Or is it that we're just silly and allow ourselves to go on autopilot, without giving thought to the consequences of our actions?

So often we find ourselves living in the past or the future, without realizing how we're getting in the way of our happiness in the present. What's the trick? Just like anything else...catching ourselves in the act and making a conscious choice to change what we're doing to something more helpful. So when we find ourselves ruminating on the past and trying to wish away what has already happened or when we find ourselves fantasizing (or worrying) endlessly about something that may happen in the future at the expense of enjoying our present experience, perhaps we can take that opportunity to STOP, BREATHE, and NOTICE the present. I mean really notice the present. Perhaps looking closely at the face of the person your with, examining a cloud or a tree outside your window, enjoying the taste of the food in your mouth, smiling at the song on the radio, or getting yourself to focus on just about anything concrete that can bring you back into the goodness of the moment your in. Obviously, sometimes it's harder than others. Sometimes the circumstances really stink. But I gotta tell you there's always something, no matter how small that can ground you back into the goodness of the present, if you choose to look for it. Even if the happiness you find is fleeting and lasts only for a moment, at least you had the experience of it and know that you can create that for yourself...life is only made up of moments anyhow.

So, why bother? Why go to all of this effort? Because, when you are focused on the present, you can fully engage in your life. You can feel in charge of the decisions that you are making. And ultimately, going back to the quote that started this whole post, you can be happy in the moment. Bottom line...you have a choice. Your experience of the present will be what you make it...so make it something good for your own sake why don't ya?

Thoughts, anyone?

Be happy and well,
Sari Roth-Roemer

A healthy body, mind and spirit takes a breath with purpose

When's the last time you took a nice deep, purposeful, conscious breath? I mean really paid attention to taking a full deep breath in and then exhaling fully and completely? If you said some time in the last day or two, awesome; if it's been longer, maybe think about giving it a try...maybe even right this very minute...

I've been thinking about the breath a lot lately. When I talk to patient's about it, I often talk about it in terms of how it effects the autonomic nervous system. The autonomic nervous system, a part of the peripheral nervous system, is connected to every organ system in your body. It is divided into two parts: the sympathetic and the parasympathetic nervous system. When you are awake and active and stressed, your sympathetic nervous system is helping you to prepare to "fight or flee" the tigers in life. When you are resting, your parasympathetic nervous system kicks in, allowing your body to repair and rejuvenate. These two systems are supposed to work in balance with one another, but in our hectic modern day world, too often our sympathetic nervous system is working on over-time, using up our body's precious resources without taking the time it needs to rest and repair. If this goes on too long, illness can occur. By taking a deep full breath, the relaxation response begins, your body is cued to slow down, and the parasympathetic nervous system comes into play. You allow precious blood to flow through your body, bringing healing, system repair and a sense of calm. You begin to feel calmer, better, more at ease. In this way, through your breath, you link your body and mind. You have an impact on your health and well being through this simple act.

The concept of the breath in our health and well being is not a new one, in fact it is ancient. In Eastern thought, the breath brings Qi or Chi to the body, mind and spirit. The Chi is thought to be the life force of the universe. In it runs the balance of Yin and Yang. Through the breath we connect to this universal life force. It runs along 12 major energy channels in the body called meridians. When the body comes out of balance, Chi is blocked, and the body becomes ill. In the Torah, or what some refer to as the Old Testament, the Hebrew word Neshema נשמה means both "spirit" and "breath". God's breath is seen as God's spirit and our life force. In Sankrit the word Prana प्राण means "vital life force" as well as "breath". Prana is thought to be responsible for the beating of the heart and breathing. Prana enters the body through the breath and is sent to every cell through the circulatory system. When this is disrupted the body becomes ill and our vitality is disrupted. What is that they say? Everything that's old is new again...

Here's the good news...we all know how to breathe. The trick is to pay attention to it, to really become aware of it's power and influence over our health and well being. The hardest thing about practicing breath work is simply remembering to do it. Just like any activity, make sure it suits you and your routine. Will it be best for you to take time to breathe during your morning shower, during your lunch as you sit outside and look at the trees, during your morning or afternoon walk through the neighborhood or at night before you fall asleep? It doesn't really matter when you do it, just that you make time to do it. The more you make it part of your regular routine, the more you will benefit.

I know you know how to breathe, but here are some simple steps to really optimize the health effects of breathing:

1) PAY ATTENTION. How does it feel to take a nice full breath in through your nose. Does the air feel cool as it enters your body? How does it feel to open your mouth and just let the breath fall out, without any effort? Does it feel warmed by your body? What other sensations do you notice as you simply breathe in and out?
2) BREATHE DEEP. Let yourself take a full deep breath all the way down into your lungs. No shallow chest breathing here. Feel your abdomen expand with the breath. When you breath out, feel your abdomen contract all the way back towards your spine.
3) GO SLOW. Allow yourself to breathe slowly. As your breath slows, your bodily systems will begin to slow and the process of relaxation can begin. Counting sometimes helps you to slow things down, or simply telling yourself to "go slow".
4) OPTIMIZE YOUR EXPERIENCE. Count the breath. Breathe in for the count of 5 and then out for the count of 5 and notice how it brings your attention directly on to your breath. Or imagine inhaling something that you desire in the moment...perhaps a sense of increased comfort, calmness or well-being. On the exhale, let go of what you don't want to hold onto...perhaps discomfort, stress, or worry.
5)MAKE IT PURPOSEFUL. Many people don't like to take the time to breathe because they feel they aren't keeping busy, that they aren't doing something. The trick is to tell yourself that the purposeful act of breathing is doing something. It's breathing. It's taking time for your health and well being.

So, go ahead, take a breath or two, or five or more. I promise, if you take just the smallest amount of time to do it everyday, you will notice a difference in how you feel. Are you willing to give it a try? I'd love to hear how it goes...

Be happy and well,
Sari Roth-Roemer

Transitions: Bumpy Roads to New Life Lessons

Growth does not occur in the midst of comfort...ugh. 'Tis true, my friends. In order to grow in life we have to struggle first. On the one hand, it doesn't seem quite fair, having to hurt to gain. On the other hand, it is kinda nice to know there's a reward waiting on the other side of something difficult. The trick is to remind yourself as you're going through the process that there is something to be gained at the end of the road. It is what helps propel us forward, even when we think we can't take one step more. It seems these days many folks are finding themselves in the midst of some pretty big transitions. This can be viewed either as a bad thing or a really wonderful thing. Remember, it's all in your perspective. How you look at things really does make a difference...so choose carefully.

Tips for surviving a transition or growth episode:
1. Approach the future with wonder and curiosity, rather than judgment and worry. If you keep an open mind about what you will find ahead, you may just find something interesting out there.
2. Keep your eye on the prize. Even if you don't know what it is yet (and even if you don't quite believe it), tell yourself something good is coming your way. It's surprising how this simple thing can help us keep the pace. Sometimes we're so fearful about the unknown, that we unintentionally hold on to what we're leaving behind, which gets in our way of moving forward.
3. Take one small step at a time. Things are more manageable if you break them down into small steps. It's the small steps that make up the big steps, after all.
4. Let go of what you can't control and stay focused on what you can control in the present. Learning to tell the difference between the two is critical. (Clue: if something is not working after repeated attempts, take a look at whether it was really something under your control in the first place.) When we try to control what's not ours to control, we make ourselves feel more out of control!
5. Get some support. Talk to someone you care about. Preferably a friend who knows how to make you smile and who can boost your spirits. Laughing, praying or meditating can boost your spirits as well.
6. Take a break whenever you can. Listen to music, take a walk, go for a swim, pet an animal, hug someone you love, take a warm bath, rent a comedy, repair a sink...whatever works for you to distract yourself pleasantly for a short while so you can rejuvenate and get back to it. Remember it's just a break though...don't use it as an excuse to stop or get stuck.
7. Keep making conscious choices. Ask yourself if what you are doing is helping and if it is moving you forward. If it is not, ask yourself what will help...don't forget to listen for the answer. Fear, anger and frustration can get in the way of listening. So, take a breath or a few, let go of the upset and listen to your inner voice for the answers you need.
8. Most importantly, keep faith in yourself. If you remind yourself you can get through the tough time, you increase your chances of success exponentially. But if you tell yourself you can't succeed, you set yourself up for failure. Be careful not to get in your own way.

What helps you get through the tough transitions? I'd love to hear, if you'd like to share...

Be happy and well,
Sari Roth-Roemer

Simple Truths about Choice

Today I was lucky enough to get to talk to a group of wonderful people about choice. It was so energizing and enjoyable. I started off by showing a short u-tube video about the inspirational Sheena Iyangar, the "Choice" guru at Columbia University business school. She's written a book called the Art of Choice. She contends that it is choice that adds meaning to our lives. I tend to agree. Throughout my lecture on "Making Healthy Choices" today, I discussed 8 simple truths. Take a look and see what you think:

Simple Truth #1

Simply telling yourself you can handle something, makes you able to handle it! Conversely, saying you can't handle it increases the difficulty exponentially. You have the choice...

Simple Truth #2

You can choose not to be a victim...You can choose to have power.

Simple Truth #3

We have choice about what we focus on...which means we have choice over how we feel.

Simple Truth #4

You know your own answers...all you have to do is listen to the voice inside you that is connected to what is beyond you.

Simple Truth #5

Worrying brings us loss of control...Choosing to focus on the present and have faith in ourselves controls our worry and puts us feeling back in control.

Simple Truth #6

With awareness we can choose to stay open...we can control the "dimmer switch" and decide how open or closed we want to be given the circumstances.

Simple Truth #7

We all make bad choices at times...it's OK...the trick is to choose to be honest, to learn from our mistakes, to let go, and then to move forward.

Simple Truth #8

If we choose to have faith in ourselves, we can handle anything that comes our way.

We make choices every day, of course. But are you fully aware of the choices you are making or are you simply reacting to your life?  It's in making conscious choices that ultimately we are able to lead the healthy enjoyable lives that we all wish for. Are you taking at least a few moments every day to pay attention to what you are doing? Take a short walk, pray, meditate, breathe consciously, sit quietly...it doesn't matter what, just take a little time to self-reflect. Take yourself off autopilot. Listen to that wonderful voice inside of you and coming through you and watch your world open up in front of you.

Be happy and well,

Sari Roth-Roemer

p.s. Today's lecture was so much fun. If you want to catch the last lecture in the series on "Getting the Most Out of Your Communication", set aside Wednesday October 27th at 11am. I'll be back at HealthSouth Scottsdale Rehab Hospital. Call 480-551-5400 and ask for Melinda to let her know you'll be coming.

Faith vs. Worry

How many times have you found yourself saying "Oh, I'm so worried about my friend, my spouse, my brother, my sister, my child..."? Some of us more often than others, but as my mother says, I'd lay dollars to donuts that it something that comes out of your mouth from time to time, especially during times of stress. Why do we do it? Why do we give others our worries? And when we give them our worries, what are we actually saying? "I don't believe you can handle things?" "I don't have faith in you?" "I don't think things will turn out your way?" Now really, who in their right mind would actually say that to anybody they cared about? Yet, without meaning to, that's exactly what we are saying. We need to realize that our worry won't help the people we love, but, our faith in them will. Next time you have concern about someone that you love, instead of thinking or saying, "Oh, I'm so worried about you" perhaps instead you could think or say, "I have faith in you." " I know you'll be able to handle this." What a gift your faith is. Rather than weighing them down with your fears and worries, you give them wings to fly with your caring and your faith...which is really what you meant to do the whole time, isn't it?

...and while we're on the topic. How about doing the same thing for your very own self? All too often when we are faced with an overwhelming task or problem we go straight into worry. "How will I be able to handle that?" "What if I don't succeed?" "What will people think of me if I fail?" What happens instead if you have faith in yourself and your ability to handle the situation? "I'm scared, but it will be O.K." "I know eventually I'll figure out what I need to do." Instead of imagining yourself failing, allow yourself to image that you handle the situation, solve the problem, cope really well. I'm not talking about being PollyAnna and thinking everything is rosy. I'm talking about giving yourself hope and faith in your abilities. Infused with a higher power and supported by wisdom beyond ourselves, if we simply tell ourselves that we can handle anything we truly can...think about it. What you say to yourself really does make a difference.

So, faith vs. worry. Which do you choose? (My son says he chooses faith. Yay!)

Be happy and well,
Sari Roth-Roemer

Ways to explore

The best way to learn is to explore. Two opportunities to learn more about intuitive psychology and energy healing are coming up this week!

Free Intuitive Psychology Lecture series with Dr. Sari Roth-Roemer

If you live near the Phoenix area, please think about coming to join me at my free one hour lecture on managing stress to protect your health. This Wednesday, September 15th from 11:00 a.m.—12:00 noon I'll be presenting the second lecture in a series of three, on Making Good Choices. We'll be talking about how to manage impulses and take charge of your life by being fully aware of the choices you are making. Then on Wednesday, October 27th, 11:00 a.m.—12:00 noon, I'll be talking about Getting the Most Out of Your Communication, one of the most important tools you have to get your needs met in this life. Both lectures will be held at HealthSouth Scottsdale Rehab Hospital, 9630 East Shea Blvd., Scottsdale, AZ 85260, Conference Room 2. To attend, please R.S.V.P. at (480) 551-5423 to let us know you'll be there.This free lecture series for anyone who would like learn simple strategies to help improve their health and well being in today’s increasing stressful world.



Energy Healing Workshops with Ondre Seltzer

The Gift, Workshop 1, The Discovery.
Saturday, September 18th at 9am-4pm. Grass Valley, CA.
If you're anywhere near Northern California (and even if you're not) this is something to attend if you're at all interested in learning about how science is explaining what healing really is and how energy impacts every aspect of our lives. Ondre's workshops are phenomenal. He somehow manages to explain the unexplainable and share his energy and insights in a way that is truly inspiring.


For more details about this workshop and how to sign up visit http://www.ondre.com/ or call Jill at (916) 716-6196.

The beginning

This past May my friend Kristin introduced me to my friend, Ondre Seltzer, a leading energy medicine practitioner and gifted intuitive healer (www.ondre.com). Ondre helped me with my injured back, but more importantly he opened up a whole new world to me. It was a world I had always known was there but had been to timid to examine. Through my work with Ondre I learned to trust myself, my intuition and to look with awareness at areas in my career that I had always wanted to explore.

I've been a cognitive behavioral therapist for a very long time now, working with patients with a variety of medical illnesses. People come to see me when they are experiencing suffering of the body and the mind. Cognitive behavioral therapy teaches us that feelings come from the thoughts we think. That if we are aware of our thoughts and interpretations then the feelings will change and that this change can have a powerful impact on the body as well. That may be true. But there may be more to it than that. Perhaps our thoughts actually come from our intuition, our instinct, which we may or may not be aware of because it happens so fast and happens beyond our conscious thought most of the time. If people can become aware of this intuition, these "gut feelings" then maybe they can make better choices about what to do with the thoughts that come, the judgments they make and the perspectives they take, and ultimately the way that the feel and live their lives.

Mindfulness psychology, a growing field of research and practice based on Eastern philosophies of thought that I have also been using in my therapeutic work, teaches us that through awareness and acceptance of what is occurring in our lives and of the challenges we face, we can grow and change, make informed choices and cope with most any adversity. It appears to stop just short of considering the importance of intuition in this process, however. It does not extend to an awareness and acceptance of our innate intuition or the spiritual connection that exists beyond ourselves. Seems this could be a pretty powerful addition.

This blog will begin to address these issues and expand upon this idea of a intuitive psychology as a path to healing the mind, body and spirit. The ultimate goal is to share and grow this new paradigm. I'll look forward to your thoughts and ideas. Plus, what better day to begin this new blogging adventure than the first day of the Jewish new year. L'Shana Tova! May you have a year filled with happiness, love and contentment, where you learn to fully trust and have faith in yourself and your unique capabilities.

Be happy and well,
Sari Roth-Roemer

Open or closed?

Over the past few months as I've been focusing in on the role of intuition in our lives, I've become aware of a new sense of openness. I describe it as an expanding awareness of the world around me and the options around me. The more curiosity I have about what I will encounter next seems to lead to a more enjoyable and interesting experience of whatever that next event is. For example, tonight I walk into the Gelato shop (La Scala in Fountain Hills, it's amazing!) and ask the owner behind the counter how business has been this summer. She begins to tell me about her plan to develop and organic farm, starts pouring green oolong tea for me and shares her excitement about her future dreams of bringing organic produce and meat to her customers. All I did was walk into a store, ask a simple heartfelt question and I got to hear about another persons dreams and share her excitement...what a reward for so little effort.

On the drive home after gelato tonight, my 12 year old son commented that he was sure he would be bored tomorrow at the Cezanne exhibit lecture that we will be attending at the Phoenix Art Museum. He had already told me he was interested in going with me, because being an artist himself and being a frequent visitor to art museums he's always up for a trip to the art museum. But, the mention of a lecture took him instantly to thoughts of boredom. I asked him if he knew the difference in being open or closed? I told him that when you are open you are curious about what's coming next and keep open the possibility of learning something new from the experience, but that when you are closed you have already decided what your reaction to something is going to be and so not only do you close yourself off to learning, you also set yourself up for being bored. I asked him whether tomorrow he would prefer to learn something and be interested or whether he would prefer to be bored. He said of course he'd rather learn something and be interested. I suggested that the choice was his to make. Then I asked whether it was annoying having a psychologist as a mother and he said after 12 years the "lectures" were getting a little old! Later in the evening before bed when I asked him again whether or not he'd be open or closed tomorrow, he told me a story..."Well, it's like when you get that box in the mail with the tape down the center seam. You start to get it halfway open and you realize that it's not Christmas yet so you'd better wait. I'll probably be half open." I laughed and he said "Well, that's just reality, Mom, it happens." God bless him, he's so right...given the situation we can choose how open or closed we'd like to be...with awareness the choice is ours. It's wonderful having a child who's smarter than I am.

Open or closed, the choice is ours.

Be happy and well,
Sari Roth-Roemer

Fun on the radio last night

What a great night guesting on Talk With Ondre Live on www.openmindradio.com last night. We talked about the mind, body and spirit connection in health and illness, as well as the importance of having faith in yourself. We began the show talking about the increasing amount of aggression and frustration that we have been seeing around us in response to an increasingly stressful world which has been leading to feelings of loss of control.

Ondre spoke with our first caller about the importance of making important choices based on feeling passion about what you are doing. When we make choices based on the passion we feel, it helps keep us active, involved and caring about what we are doing. Too often we make choices based solely on finances or on what others will think, or host of other reasons that have nothing to do with what we really want to be spending our time doing. Without honoring our passion and listening to our inner guide we ultimately end up feeling empty and discontent.

Melanie, who we had spoken to last week about issues of hypervigelance in response to trauma, called to let us know that she and Max were happy and well, working hard at turning last weeks advice into a daily practice of new perspective and mindful breathing. It was wonderful to hear the smile in her voice.

Our third caller was concerned about her son and didn't know about how to go about getting help for him. Ondre asked her to trust in finding the right doctor and/or therapist for him. I offered up that her faith in her son and his ability to come through this difficult time was much more powerful and helpful than her worry about him.

With our final caller we suggested coping with worry and fear through coming up with a plan for dealing with the worst possible scenario. Ondre pointed out the dangers of allowing stress to get to the point where it affects health. Once again, we discussed the fact that faith in ourselves and our ability to cope will help us, and that our worry will not.

Throughout the evening we also talked about the importance of social connection and how without realizing it we can actually push people away with our lonliness. Random acts of kindness can bring kindness back our way again, and a simple smile or kind word to someone in line at the coffee shop can bring a smile to your and someone else's face. It's easier to feel good during these times of difficulty than we realize sometimes. It's important to remember that it's all about perspective...how we look at things really does make a difference. We have a choice.

Once again we addressed the similarities between intuitive healing and psychology, especially in terms of setting an intent and empowering people to take responsibility for their own health and well being. As expected, the night was filled with good energy. I was so honored to get to be a part of it all.

We let listeners know that if they want to hear more from me or Ondre we've got a couple of events coming up:
1) I'll be holding a free lecture on Making Healthy Choices, the second in a series of three concerning
Managing Your Stress to Protect Your Health. The lecture will be held on Wednesday, September 15th from 11am to 12pm at HealthSouth Scottsdale Rehab Hospital at 9630 E. Shea Blvd. To RSVP call 480-551-5400 and ask for Melinda. The third lecture on Effective Communication will be on October 27th from 11-12 at HealthSouth once again.

2) Ondre has two workshops coming up next week in Grass Valley, California as part of his Gift Tour on Friday September 17th and Saturday, September 18th. Check out the workshop link at his website www.ondre.com for more information on these fabulous workshops. I had the opportunity to attend one of these workshops a couple of weeks ago in Los Angeles. It was amazing. I learned so much about what Ondre does and how I can apply some of these lessons to the helping work that I do. It's an opportunity not to be missed.

And of course, you can almost always catch Ondre live on any Thursday night from 7-9pm MST on www.openmindradio.com where he hosts Talk With Ondre Live. Who knows, you might just catch me sitting in for a surprise guest appearance again sometime!

Watch for future events on our FaceBook pages: Sari Roth Roemer and Ondre Healer.

Be happy and well,
Sari Roth-Roemer